What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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