I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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