I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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