yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
