His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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