if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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