the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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