how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
