come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
