i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We are two peas in an std pod
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i think my cat just said my name.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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