My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize