Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
