I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
