So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
