; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
