he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize