i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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