we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
