it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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