Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
