I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
