I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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