i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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