I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
