Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
