i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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