two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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