I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
