OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
