im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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