I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
