We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
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