I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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