i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
