So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Still dying that you shit outside
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
