PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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