even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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