Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
