Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
