So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
