Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
