I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
