That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
