Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
