Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
