my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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