...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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