well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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