Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
