My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
