I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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