he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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