is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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