the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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