where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
