just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
