Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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