The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
