my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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