if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
