Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
