hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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