Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
