every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
