Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
