Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
