where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
