Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
