respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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