i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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